This will likely go down as my most famous quote of the 2012 year:
"There are many times I know I think to myself, what was God thinking...making me a mother...?? It can be so rewarding and so dreadfully difficult.”
I posted it to our Catholic Homeschooling for Aspergers loop, from the heart. I truly mean it. I’m finding it being referred to often now.
We were discussing how friends and family just don’t often times understand us as families, as moms, or our children with special needs. How we attempt to protect and guide our special children all at the same time, place restrictions and gently encourage maturity, earning it every step of the way. How we ban /censor TV shows, movies, books, music…..encourage wholesome play and activities. How we attempt to not let our snarky teens tell us how to parent and what to do. Not a popular notion at all.
Children with special needs and sensory issues do make the holiday season take on a whole new meaning and morph into something we sometimes don’t want. We are with some people in a different setting that doesn’t happen any other time of year. Like that one certain restaurant….or that one certain home. Or driving farther than normal to get to a family location for festivities. That said, I will admit this year was one of our better ones. I was more worried this year about my oldest children than my younger ones. Coming off of the college high back into the home and trying to adjust to a home schedule with siblings about and general home life is a challenge. I’m seeing and hearing some disrespect which is unfortunate, but overall, they are good kids. They attend mass, aren’t covert like they tell me many of their friends are (hiding things from their parents), lying, sneaking…at least they are honest, I’ll give them that. I am finding that many young people are definitely not what we are thinking they are….putting up a front, while a long, taking birth control pills, drugs, alcohol, living with boyfriends/girlfriends. I try to tell my children, you will never regret being more pure and chaste, be accused of being a prude, old fashioned…but you will regret doing the opposite…it will haunt you in years to come. While you have confession (and please do use it), you will have what you did in your mind forever. So, don’t do that to yourself. Dare to be different in the right way.
In the end, there is a part of parenting in which you have to let go, and let God. Yes, I know this.
Yes, being a mother is quite a challenge. IF you are really diving in and mothering. If you are allowing your children to grow up haphazardly at best and not really confronting issues because of conflict aversion…then, you will get what you put into it. Sometimes it will not be pretty. Right now, I am feeling I am missing some important areas, or at least they are falling by the way side due to crazy schedules, like a our family evening prayer ritual. This new year, we will be more resolved to do it.
We have been literally partying and having a different schedule in this home since Dec 2nd. And it won’t switch back until around the week of Jan 6th, and even then my oldest ones won’t head back to college until the middle of January. Then, I predict Jan Feb March will literally fly by!
Here’s to 2013….just around the corner.