….my daughter hates this word….it’s the one I use to describe the argumentative whiny self-centeredness of the preteen/teen bunch when they are “there” in it. I sometimes wonder HOW my mother in particular survived me during that time. I remember it! I remember being a pain and whiny and emotional and bored and irritated all at the same time!! ugh…and wow, it is almost like you don’t have control over it. Like your body chemistry rules all and takes over.**
So I have a son now that is so there….it really tries my patience at times. In many ways he has matured and grown past some of the more annoying behaviors, but he still doesn’t quite have a grip on the emotions. He is my more sensitive one anyway, so this doesn’t help. Just a word of warning, if you have a very sensitive child now, when they hit the near teen-teen stage…look out. Be prepared. I am grateful we got this one into therapy and on medication and undergo on going help with him, because I can not imagine how much worse it would be – I see a glimpse into on occasion. I give him a little more slack because he does suffer from OCD/anxiety, thus his extremely more sensitive nature; and I applaud his progress as he has definitely made progress. When I think back to the daily horror and stress we lived with while his disorder was not stabilized it makes my heart do a flip flop. Such days as I would not like to remember….if only to chart the progress and productiveness and the quality of life we have now achieved for him. Thank God.
**Back to my asterisk from above: “like your body chemistry takes over”…I do believe it is the case. This is why support nutritionally and with supplements and may need to include doctors care – therapy/counseling, possibly medications….I think it needs to be addressed and not ignored when it’s ruling the house or you see serious signs of depression or other. Not all issues like this are solved by “growing out of it”, so of these issues deepen and worsen as the person ages.
Along with a good diet, supplements and help in the way of therapy if needed, I believe the spiritual life of these teens needs nourished and fostered; they need further accountability above the parent…when they offend the parent with their harsh words or badgering behaviors, they need a heirarchy they are accountable to; somewhere in them is the strength and mind to know it is wrong and they need control. They need to try harder and know it is never right to just do wrong and not be accountable…or to say I’m sorry. “I’m sorry” was a monumental experience in our home when my son was getting help and it was a long time coming, but it happened; he NEVER said he was sorry after a horrific emotional gut wrenching episode…never. The first time he did, I was shocked and melted at the same time. I KNEW we had done the right thing for him getting him help. He WANTED to feel good and have control, he didn’t want to be bitter and angry and irritated every day. Spiritually he is more developed than many teens his age and always has been, so he does have a great structure of accountability in his formation and forefront of his mind. He is really very very good. His disorder mixed with teen age chemistry gets the best of him at times – but those times are now so limited. Thank God again! I’m not complaining…just pondering and journaling experiences and advice.
Pray for your troubled kids….evaluate them, help them in all ways possible. Above all strive to be patient and realize it’s not them spouting off the hurtful words and behaviors, it’s something that is holding them hostage. Try to free them with all the means you can, and you will be so washed over with joy inside when you see the fruits of that endeavor.